[+art.is.sacred+] Your Ass Live Entertainment

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Art of words - part II

There has been much confusion going around due to the list of favourites at the left-hand corner of this webpage. As such, after much contemplation, I have decided to help translate the following list of favourites.

A [peng gor] = Apple
B [nga nga zai] = Baby
C [mao] = Cat
D [gao] = Dog
E [dai ban jiong] = Elephant
F [pang yao] = Friend
L [lui zai] = Girl
H [hoi sum] = Happy
I [shit gou] = Ice cream
J [yit pun] = Japan
K [wong] = King
L [lang mon] = Lemon
M [ma lao] = Monkey
N [mo] = No
O [chan] = Orange
P [ju] = Pig
Q [lui wong] = Queen
R [bak tou] = Rabbit
S [see] = Shit
T [lou fu] = Teacher
U [jai] = Umbrella
V [min pow chair] = Van
W [soi] = Water
X [sam kup pin] = X-rated film
Y [lei] = You
Z [bang ma] = Zebra

Okay, I'm done with the translations. Please leave any comments you wish at the tagboard instead of the comment list because I am too lazy to check the comment list.

N.B.: In regards to the aunty's comment yesterday, I realise that my action is not a question of etiquette but that of manners. However, I will not apologize for scolding the aunty because like I say, I am enjoying every single moment of it. I will just live in deep regret that the uncle has to be exposed that he is actually airing his armpit. Poor uncle, I hope next time you will carry out your actions in discretion. Please stop flaunting your english just because you know peanuts of it and start saying big and bombastic words like "etiquette" when it obviously doesn't match with the scenario given there. According to the dictionary, etiquette means: The practices and forms prescribed by social convention or by authority. As such, I don't see why not saying "excuse me" is not socially acceptable. Thank you aunty for the rude awakening because it made me realise there are people like you.

|._Ondre stumbled at 10:24:00 PM_.|

Monday, August 29, 2005

You know you will...when you...

Doesn't that ring a bell? It's just exactly like the "zhao ju" exercise in primary whereby the "lao dhe" will give you two phrases and then you link them up by forming a sentence. So for this topic, it will sound something like, "ni zhi dao ni hui...dang ni..." (it's actually direct translation from english because my chinese isn't that good. Why? Why my mama don't want to send me to Tien Hsia last time?)

You know you will be patriotic when you know that Esplanade is in Singapore. (Yes, I get goosebumps everytime I think of Esplanade because that place is marvellous! Splendid! Outstanding! Simply amazing! Okay...I get goosebumps because I am touched that such a masterpiece can be created right here in Singapore. I know this has nothing to do with patriotism but I like it!)
You know you will study when you have an exam or a test. (Sad fact but we have to face this almost yearly. Yesh, even if you are out into the working society, you still have to "upgrade" yourself every year. I wish I am born a computer, at least most people upgrade their computer only once every 2-3 years.)
You know you will hurl abuse at the aunty when you heard her saying, "Young girls nowadays have no etiquette."

Hello! *waves at aunty* Aunty ar, what makes you think so ar? Just because I never tell the uncle say, "excuse me uncle, can you kindly stop airing your armpit because I need to get out of the train." Aunty ar, I am willing to walk the other way just to get out so that the uncle don't have to give up airing his armpit lor, you think what? I know that the uncle have no money buy perfume so he need to do that then so won't smelly, then I also never say anything, why you must comment so much!? What if later I say "excuse me" to the uncle then the uncle will start roaring at me and say, "KAN NI NA! LIM BEI let my armpit LA LIANG, why you come and disturb!?" It really doesn't pay to be kind. The aunty even have the cheek to say, "Is it that difficult for you to say excuse me Uncle?" and what, "like calling him uncle is such a noble stuff". Thank you for your two cents worth but ONE CENT COIN NOT PRODUCED IN SINGAPORE LIAO LA!

For a moment, I think the aunty surely will say, "Don't know what kids these days learn in school also". Aunty ar, I tell you again hor, my lao dhe never teach me how to say excuse me one leh, she only say hor if I want somebody to give way to me I just need to say, "SIAM LA!" Its so simple and singaporely (not internationally) recognised. Secondly, I don't know what etiquette you talking about because I am a totally uncouth, uncivilised, rude, uneducated barbarian. Yes I am like that, that explains why my chinese is poor and my england not that powderful and I cannot speak engrish as ponderfully as you do. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being uneducated. I'm sorry for not knowing how to say "excuse me". I'm sorry for scolding you but I cannot stop because I am enjoying every single phrase that I am typing right now. I'm sorry for the uncle airing his armpit because he has to give up the action momentarily. I'm sorry.

|._Ondre stumbled at 6:31:00 PM_.|

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Don't leave me - live up to your committments

I guess many urban dwellers all over the world own a pet, be it dogs, cats, fishes, parrots or even pets from the rodent families. However, how many of these people can actually keep up with their committment? Not many I guess...here is an extract from one of my friend, shoot's blog:

When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad", you'd shake your fingers at me and ask, "How could you...?"--but then you'd relent and roll me over for a bellyrub. My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed life could not be any more perfect.

We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day. Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" -- still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy.

Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love". As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on my wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears and gave me kisses on my nose. I love everything about them and their touch -- because your touch was now so infrequent --and I would've defended them with my life if there is a need to. I would sneak to their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.

There had been a time, when others asked if you had a dog, that you produced a picture of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog" and you resented every expenditure on my behalf. Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family", but there was a time I was your only "family". I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelt of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled up the paperworks and said, "I know you will find a good home for her". They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers". You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed, "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life.

You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked, "How could you?" They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I'd rush to the front, hoping it was you that had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream...

or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me.

I cried upon reading this story and I went up to Ondre to give him a pat. Ondre will be turning 4 years old next wednesday and I wonder how dogs at SPCA celebrate theirs. This is a sad truth but many dogs are being abandoned in Singapore a year. As we all know, Singapore is not an extremely big country with loads of land and this attributes to the SPCA only being able to afford a small area of shelter for the animals at Mount Vernon. As such, when too many animals are being sent to SPCA, they have to go through a course of "selection" and pick out the younger and healthier animals amongst the group of abandoned animals. The older and sick ones will therefore have to go (by euthanasia). Who can save them? Seriously, have you (the sick and perverted people who abandon your dogs) ever thought about how they feel? They don't ask for much, just your love and probably 2 meals a day. Of course there will be excuses like, "I can't afford to keep it anymore", "It's too mischievious, I can't handle it" or even "I'm to busy to keep it". Excuses, excuses, excuses, then let me ask you, why did you even bother to keep a pet in the first place if

YOU DONT EVEN HAVE THE FINANCIAL CAPABILITY!? Come one, what shit is that? Not like they need to eat abalone everyday, you eat rice, they eat rice, very expensive meh you tell me. Say la!
Before even getting a pet, you should expect them to be like any children out there. They have their time when they will be wilful as well, just bear over this period and they will grow up to be of the best companion. Do you even abandon your children just because they are mischievious? No right? (Of course there are some detrimental people who does that, but that's only for the minority). Anyway, you will start by saying your child is a life. So? The dog is not a life is it? It's just a piece of shit to you right? I think you are more shit!
Busy busy busy. Need a lot of time meh? They most of the day just sleep at home waiting for you to come back and feed it dinner as well as bring it for a walk only. Moreover, nowadays most job 5 days work only. Nevermind about that, some people slog half their life. Some people no time can go pubbing, some people no time can go holiday, some people no time can do these and that. Crap, time is for you to manage.

Please consider carefully before you get a pet and don't get them just because they are cute when they are young because it takes a lifetime of committment to keep them. Don't ever treat them like a thing to entertain you only when you are bored. Put yourself in their shoes and think about it please, thank you.

To you they may just be a dog. But to them, you are their everything.

As such, I have decided to post picture of Ondre because I realise I have to love him more from now on. There are soo many unfortunate pets out there. It would be kind of you to actually donate to the SPCA as they seriously need a lot of funds every year.

|._Ondre stumbled at 9:23:00 PM_.|

Saturday, August 27, 2005

The art of words

I bet the list of favourites at the side of the webpage must have got many of you putting on your thinking cap wondering, "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING!?"

Oh well, its just a little list of items in cantonese!! For e.g. A=apple=peng kou in cantonese, B=baby=nga nga zai in cantonese, blah blah blah blah...That's right! Its totally in cantonese, hahaha, so now, after much contemplation, I have decided to come up with another list of items in Hokkien! =) Hokkien is afterall my main dialect so hopefully this will come up to be of better quality than the cantonese one.

A [kong ki] = Air
B [giu] = Ball
C [gin na] = Children
D [gao] = Dog
E [kui neng] = Egg
F [he yee] = Fishball
G [char bo] = Girl
H [hua hee] = Happy
I [sng] = Ice
J [mang ga] = Jackfruit
K [ong] = King
L [yeung] = Lamb
M [lao bu] = Mother
N [mai] = No
O [kui] = Open
P [dhe] = Pig
Q [diam la] = Quiet
R [qiu cheng] = Revolver
S [song] = Shiok
T [lao hor] = Tiger
U [hor shua] = Umbrella
V [si bei] = Very
W [poon shou] = Waste
X [gei hun] = Xtreme
Y [xiao lian eh] = Young one
Z [ban bei] = Zebra

Okay, I'm finally done with the A-Z list of hokkien items. Not that I like these things though but it's the only things that I can think of when converting the english items to hokkien words as well as the cantonese one...Arggh, nvm la, I shall come up with the Malay list soon though i pretty much suck at Malay (I know nuts about it). Please do not laugh at the expense of my peanuts knowledge of dialect, do only laugh when you think its entertaining. Nevermind anyway, I can't even see if you are laughing or not. Okay, I need to go and flip through the bloody basic theory book because the e-trial test is tomorrow and I bloody haven study yet and I know nuts about it at all and although it's just the e-trial test but then its still important as a guideline for monday's test and I think it can kindda gauge how much i will score for my monday's exams....(okay, I guess point is noted because I'm am being overly naggy now -.-''')

|._Ondre stumbled at 9:43:00 PM_.|

Heartland

I've always have a fetish in going to heartland places such as Parkway Parade, Heartland Mall, blah blah because of the fact that these places actually have a lot to offer, yes, much more than town in my opinion.

They are not as crowded as town. You don't actually have to squeeze and push to get your way around these places. In fact, you can just geilek geilek your way around without much people hindering your way.
They have a whole deal of cheap goods okay!? Wah liew, best la I tell you...where in the world (Singapore actually) can you find 15 strips of sticker just for $1.00!!! I am not talking about one pound here okay...its S$1.00!! Okay, bloody cheap la...
It's the place where I grew up in (I'm not a rich kid afterall, I'm born in the heartlands) and definitely I can get around easily and know these places inside out. Hahaha, I simply adore the heartlands!
You can always bargain at these places...hahaha...although this is not my forte, but nevertheless you can do this man. Try doing it at Hermes or Tiffany & Co. at Taka, try it, if you succeed, tell me okay, I will "bai" you "wei shi".

Okay la, I guess point should have been noted by now because there seems to be a trend that there are more shoppers at the Heartlands as compared to town these days. Finally, the long-awaited basic theory test is coming...haha! I simply don't understand why I have to take driving lessons when I can get chauffered around...arrggh...anyway, that siao kina katherine (SKK in short) say I'd better not fail or not she will laugh probably till she dies. As an extremely nice friend of hers, I think I should fail because I must make her laugh as laughter is the best medicine of all. For your information, she is mentally challenged, emotionally sick, problems with her body and definitely insane! nuts! siao ding dong! Yes, so siao eh, dont worry, I will cure you one, wait for my results on Monday okay?

|._Ondre stumbled at 5:59:00 PM_.|

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Gone are the old days

I have a brand new fridge! Yes, that's right, a brand new fridge with an ice-maker that enables me to have both crushed ice as well as ice cubes, not forgetting the ability of producing a glass of water without having to go to the tap! Hahaha! My brand new LG fridge! I realised that the previous fridge have been around for ages (a whole 10-12 years probably). What a hardy fridge, it actually took it more than a decade to fail on us. That sets me to thinking what the older generations usually harped about, "jiu de dong xi bi jiao hao" (old items are usually better). That's right, maybe somethings are better off to be old than new.

Taking friends for example. In life, there are always old friends (from primary or secondary for now) as well as new friends. I would have chosen the former at all times even though the latter still places important roles in my life. Yes, no matter how insignificant the amount of time we spend together, it always cease to matter because it is filled with quality. However, I realise that we are all on very different routes at this very point of time.

Right now, for those who don't know, I'm currently in a private international school (more towards a commerce school but somehow they don't really provide commercial courses, oh well, it doesn't matter) whereas majority of my mates are thriving in polytechnics as well as junior colleges. It's ironical for me to be in a place like that when I could have entered a JC with my "O" level grades. Crossroads crossroads crossroads! Why do people always say we grow from mistake? I can't grow out of my mistake! Get it? I'm stuck. Stuck. Yes, STUCK! Okay fine, point should be noted already. Anyway, I guess I don't quite regret making this choice though because I have grown very much through this ordeal. With the never-ending school politics and rich kids roaming around the school (not that it's not good to have rich friends, but not too rich please, its fattening, urrggh!).

Okay, I'm out of the topic, let's get back to the talk. Yeah, back to the times when I was in secondary, everything is memorable. Imagine running out of classrooms during changing of periods, attending CCAs after school, roaming around aimlessly (fine, I was even termed as security guard for roaming about), looking at the watch just waiting for recess, rushing to the canteen, slacking during PE and the oh-so-bloody assembly (hell, that made me have cramps all the time). Haiya, but how? Cannot get back to the old days lor! How I wish I have a time machine now la.

Also the NPCC days when we join all the different stupid competitions. Female street soccer (this left the deepest impression because all the other teams had coaches but us), revolver shooting competition, campcraft competition, some chung cheng main competition and etc etc. And now I guess majority of us are happily slacking away not doing any CCAs at all. I'm only a tennis member-in-name. Which means I basically don't go for training most of the times because there's basically no trainings at all, ha! What a joke! Okay la, I shall stop ranting about the stupid school but okay, I will train myself for tennis la.

Talking about the old friends, our beloved ape's birthday is coming soon. Although it is not the sacred 21 years old yet, but 18 years old (si ba gu niang yi duo hua ma). So in advance, HAPPY BIRTHDAY APE! WE ALWAYS LOVE YOU!

N.B.: I totally miss the nasi brayani, chicken rice, nasi lemak as well as the duck rice in Manjusri. Wah liew, last time pocket money little, must even share lunch because I tend to eat too much and in the end got no savings.

|._Ondre stumbled at 7:06:00 PM_.|

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Hail Almighty

After much bumping and thumping and banging around the world wide webs, I have finally settled for this particular blogskin, thanks to the creator =]artzero[=. For a start, I seriously wonder why he would wanna put the two smiley faces at the ends of his alias because it looks as if I have totally changed the image by adding a mole to it. However it is, a very well done blogskin which me as a certified-html-loser-cum-idiot could not possibly do it. EVERYBODY PLEASE KNEEL DOWN AND HAIL THESE BLOGskin CREATORS.

In the past, I used to think that blogging is a pretty lame activity because all you do is to rant and ramble and screech and yell at this black black computer as though it can empathize you no matter what situations you are in. Moreover, entertaining blogs started popping out with people updating you on their daily lives (I dont mean happening daily lives, I mean daily-routine-lives). How interesting.
E.g. Tomolo i need to wake up at 8am to shit first. Then hor, after that i need to bathe and wash my hair and my face and also brush my teeth lor, cuz after that i need to go to skool at 830am lei. So early hor? Cuz hor, the lessons start at 9 mah, that's why lor. My lessons end at 5pm then after that i will go and meet my boyflen, shooo excited lei!!!!! Haiya, now 11pm liao, i need to go and sleep le lor cuz hor later mamma will sae i cannot get 8 hours of sleep. Okay, bye bye. -little pretty-

Of course, there are many outstanding BLOGging CREATORS (or bloggers as you will like to call them) as well. They have my newfound respect for the way they use words to express their ideas and not forgetting to inject humour into entries that they have presented. Although there is this common saying that goes like, "A picture speaks a thousand words", but I guess a good piece of entry gets across to people much more easily (not everybody can read in-between the lines or read the pictures la, you think everybody is take literature one meh?).

Yes, that's right. Just take for example the following picture:

Judging from this picture, many would say that this is probably a pretty harmless and friendly dog which is welcoming a stranger with a "give me a pat" look.

SO WRONG!! This is a dog which practically eats and shits and urines the whole day. WHOLE DAY OKAY!? What else? It is not welcoming a stranger but trying to snatch food from the person taking this photograph. Great! Who says a picture speaks a thousand words? Please own up and bang the wall. Also, it is an extremely fat dog with excess fats all around its body and needs 10 whole big bottle of extrim to xcha-xcha-xcha his fats (thank you for anyone who is willing to sponser). Okay enough said, the point should have been taken by now. So, once again, LET'S HAIL THE GREAT WRITERS OF THE BLOGGING SOCIETY!

N.B.: The above picture is actually my dog, Ondre. Okay, he is not as bad as I have depicted because he seriously doesn't shit and urine the whole day. Ha! As for the 10 bottles of extrim, any samaritans' offer would be welcomed. Thanks to the photographer who lured him.

|._Ondre stumbled at 11:06:00 AM_.|