[+art.is.sacred+] Your Ass Live Entertainment

Monday, August 29, 2005

You know you will...when you...

Doesn't that ring a bell? It's just exactly like the "zhao ju" exercise in primary whereby the "lao dhe" will give you two phrases and then you link them up by forming a sentence. So for this topic, it will sound something like, "ni zhi dao ni hui...dang ni..." (it's actually direct translation from english because my chinese isn't that good. Why? Why my mama don't want to send me to Tien Hsia last time?)

You know you will be patriotic when you know that Esplanade is in Singapore. (Yes, I get goosebumps everytime I think of Esplanade because that place is marvellous! Splendid! Outstanding! Simply amazing! Okay...I get goosebumps because I am touched that such a masterpiece can be created right here in Singapore. I know this has nothing to do with patriotism but I like it!)
You know you will study when you have an exam or a test. (Sad fact but we have to face this almost yearly. Yesh, even if you are out into the working society, you still have to "upgrade" yourself every year. I wish I am born a computer, at least most people upgrade their computer only once every 2-3 years.)
You know you will hurl abuse at the aunty when you heard her saying, "Young girls nowadays have no etiquette."

Hello! *waves at aunty* Aunty ar, what makes you think so ar? Just because I never tell the uncle say, "excuse me uncle, can you kindly stop airing your armpit because I need to get out of the train." Aunty ar, I am willing to walk the other way just to get out so that the uncle don't have to give up airing his armpit lor, you think what? I know that the uncle have no money buy perfume so he need to do that then so won't smelly, then I also never say anything, why you must comment so much!? What if later I say "excuse me" to the uncle then the uncle will start roaring at me and say, "KAN NI NA! LIM BEI let my armpit LA LIANG, why you come and disturb!?" It really doesn't pay to be kind. The aunty even have the cheek to say, "Is it that difficult for you to say excuse me Uncle?" and what, "like calling him uncle is such a noble stuff". Thank you for your two cents worth but ONE CENT COIN NOT PRODUCED IN SINGAPORE LIAO LA!

For a moment, I think the aunty surely will say, "Don't know what kids these days learn in school also". Aunty ar, I tell you again hor, my lao dhe never teach me how to say excuse me one leh, she only say hor if I want somebody to give way to me I just need to say, "SIAM LA!" Its so simple and singaporely (not internationally) recognised. Secondly, I don't know what etiquette you talking about because I am a totally uncouth, uncivilised, rude, uneducated barbarian. Yes I am like that, that explains why my chinese is poor and my england not that powderful and I cannot speak engrish as ponderfully as you do. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being uneducated. I'm sorry for not knowing how to say "excuse me". I'm sorry for scolding you but I cannot stop because I am enjoying every single phrase that I am typing right now. I'm sorry for the uncle airing his armpit because he has to give up the action momentarily. I'm sorry.

|._Ondre stumbled at 6:31:00 PM_.|

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