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Sunday, September 18, 2005

Time never heal all wounds

Word of the day: triskaidekaphobia
Meaning: An abnormal fear of the number 13

Small note: I found this word whilst surfing the internet. It caught my eye immediately as I thought, "What a word it is!" For your information, the number 13 is not only a taboo for the Chinese. From what I read from a book, it seemed very much to affect the English as well. However, this number has total adverse effects on me. I wonder if there is an antonym of this word. Lucky lucky 13. Meanwhile, I lied in the article of "Foreign language" as I couldn't really remember the lyrics of the song. Its the thoughts that counts anyway so I seek forgiveness regarding this.

I am on my Panasonic earphones now listening to mando pops again. As such, do not blame me if I am typing incoherently.

I guess everyone will have their fair share of regrets over certain things that had happened or that they have done. This incident happened many years back and if I am not wrong, it was about 6-7 years ago when I was in Primary 5.

He was just like any other 1-year-old dog. He had a loving owner who was a businessman and cared for him as though he was his own son. However, his happiness did not last long. Soon, the owner gave him to a pet shop. It was the first time I saw him as I entered the pet shop who belonged to my dad's friend. He was ever so innocent-looking and active. I gave him a name on the spot after hearing his breed. Cordy was his name.

Cordy belonged to a breed known as Corgi and even though he was barely a year old, he was already standing robust and tall as what a full-grown dog would look like. On him was a coat of shiny fur. I was extremely delighted as my dream of owning a dog had finally come true. I did not heed the warning that my grandmother didn't in the least like dogs. Soon, Cordy was being brought home. He looked very much afraid as it was a new environment afterall. Perhaps, it was his destiny or perhaps it was me who didn't dare to state my own stand, Cordy had to be confined in a cage because the relatives were "afraid of him".

He didn't had a good life during the time when he was here. I was new with keeping dog and did not know what to do to liberate him from getting confined. Diverting to some other part of my family affairs, my aunt who had just married often came to our house (for I don't know what). She, however, did not have a fond interest in dogs and often criticized me for keeping a dog and what not. Also, Cordy was not spared from others saying that he's noisy, agressive and blah blah blah. With all these people by the side to "add fuel to the fire", my grandmother started nagging incessantly about the presence of Cordy. She did it all behind my back. She nagged to my mum because she know my mum cared and concerned about her and would relent.

My mum eventually did. When I came back from school one day when I was still in Primary 5, I could not find Cordy anymore. He was no longer locked in the cage. He was no longer in the house. He was given to someone else. I cried and that was the only thing I could think of at that moment. I cannot fathom what has my dog's presence got to do with my aunt since she has been married off. Subsequently, each time when I looked at his photos, tears would just well up in my eyes. Indeed, I had caused him hurt and agony. I had not fulfilled my duty as an owner. Imagine a dog having to change 3 owners. I am indebted to him and if I were to have any wish, I would just wish to know how he's doing now. It is a pain inflicted so intensely. It is a memory etched in my brain forever. It might be my own deserts for not taking good care of him but I guess no one can erase the hatred I have for that aunt. A hatred so strong that no words can describe.

Many years have passed and I have Ondre with me now. He is my everything and I will not allow history to repeat itself. The same thing happened again 2 years back when the "relatives" starting making crude remarks of us keeping a dog in the house and having a room by himself. This time round, i rebuked. I rebuked with such anger and agony because I do not wish to lose Ondre. I do not wish for the pain to start arising again for the pang of guilt is still deep in my heart.

N.B: I would have started flaunting repertoire of profanities if this is not an open diary.

|._Ondre stumbled at 11:07:00 AM_.|

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