[+art.is.sacred+] Your Ass Live Entertainment

Thursday, September 08, 2005

You will never know if you never knew

I am living in liberation today! No more piles of marking scripts. No more walks under the hot, sweltering weather. No more quarrels from the students. No more teaching. Well, at least that applies for today. As such, I will try my best to embrace the bliss I am currently enjoying (but I'm having a sorethroat now la, damn it!)

You will never know that a dog can be the spokesperson (or rather spokesdog) for Billabong:

hey yo, check check check *coughs coughs coughs* I am da spokesdog, surfey babeh

As such, I am going to write a short story about a dog and me.

One day, we were loitering around the different units of a HDB flat where I stumbled upon an opened gate. The door behind the gate seemed to be alluring us to enter its humble abode. We were enticed as we cannot resist the intensity of the temptation - the temptation of thrill. Thus, my friends and I decided to take the risk and pushed the door ajar so that we can sneak in without arousing suspicion.

Upon entrance, a small and petite dog stood in the middle of the house giving us a nasty glare. It was as though the dog was trying to protect the house from us progressing further in. At this instant, a thought flashed through my mind, "Hmm...it's just a small little dog aint it? Since every dog has its day, today must be the day I am supposed to have my day!"

Without further contemplation, we made our way to the white set of leather sofa which was lying in the middle of the hall. The dog ran along with us and barked incessantly for us to get out of the house. We ignored its warning and took a rest at then sofa. After a while, I greeted the dog with a "Hi".

The dog barked as if it was saying, "Hi what!? Get out of the house la!"

I thought the dog was unfamiliar with us which explains his hostility. As such, I tried again but with different tone this time round. "Doggy, good boy!"

The dog ignored me!

Before long, the dog jumped up to the sofa in an unimaginably quick speed. It sat right in front of me as though requesting for a challenge.

The dog said, "not happy is it!? Want to fight ar!?"

(I was too shocked for words to take a picture of myself looking bewildered after the dog talked to me) At this point of time, other than being shocked, I was pretty much angered by the dog's inept behaviour towards a human. What is all that talk about dog being man's best friend? I started putting my hand towards the dog's neck and applying force on the grip as I screamed, "I've had enough of you!"

The dog put on a brave front as it tried to loosen itself from my grip.

It finally succeeded and broke loose while landing on the ground and choking incessantly. It was trying very hard to catch its breath.

**coughs*coughs*coughs**

The dog is trying to catch its breath.

Being a strong-willed dog, it did not give up after that particular incident. It regained soon after and jumped up the sofa once again, prompting me to start the challenge over again. I could no longer tolerate the impertinence of the dog. As such, I started putting my hand over the dog's neck again.

"I wanna kill you, you stupid dog!" I shouted.

Soon, the dog became weak and laid on the sofa. I did not loosen my grip but carried on holding on his neck.

The dog was eventually knocked unconscious and I started to panic. I nudged him and said, "Eh, don't fake fake lei, wake up lei! Wake up!" However, there was no response from the dog. I have killed the dog. No pulse, no breathing. I am a murderer. Without further ado, I fled from the crime of scene.
I have sinned greatly. It was a moment of folly that I cannot pardon myself for it. Oh God, Oh Jesus, Oh Buddha, Oh Allah, what can I do?

- you never know that I have killed a dog-

Disclaimer: The above story is fictitious. Any resemblance to that of true incident or character will be greatly regretted (but we don't give it a damn). Thank you baby for the unseemingly true acting, you are indeed a great actor of all time. Thank you to the owner for allowing these shots to be taken as well. As such, the great pet-owner relationship will now be shown!

|._Ondre stumbled at 10:23:00 AM_.|

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